Saturday, August 27, 2016

Banders Pathway

Some people have requested a Banders pathway in Cat President. What would that look like? Here's one possibility. The storyline starts after the second debate, where Oreo and Thunderpaw have a huge catfight.

Chapter One: There is the fallout from the debate, which reveals that Thunderpaw and DJ Nibbles have ruined each other's campaigns. Frisky's campaign ended earlier in that pathway, so that only leaves three viable candidates, plus Banders. Thunderpaw is angry and fires the heroine, and Banders hires her immediately.

Chapter Two: Banders is asked to come up with some policies. He wants to sell the White House for kibble cash, and turn the Lincoln memorial pool into the world's largest litter box. Heroine is frustrated, trying to get him to come up with something coherent. Maybe he can confuse "taxes" with "Texas".

Chapter Three: Banders flubs his big TV interview and spends most of the time, talking about a movie he saw last night, which was actually a dream he had two weeks ago. His poll numbers go through the roof.

Chapter Four: Heroine is at a loss to explain why Banders' new poll numbers, until he is mobbed by a group of all-female reporters. Women find him irresistible, and they want him to be President! He's sooo cute!

Chapter Five: Banders is challenged to make a policy to end starvation. His solution? Take every women in America out on a dinner date. Heroine complains that he sounds just like Frisky, and she's at a loss to explain why she's so upset over the idea of him dating someone else.

Chapter Six: Thunderpaw shows up to protest one of Banders' speeches. It gets ugly, especially when Banders' fangirls (the FANders) get into the it. Banders ends up losing the second state to Rover.

Chapter Seven: It's crunch time! Only a candidate who won one of the three states can be selected, and there's only one state left! Banders is determined to win now and PROVE to his brother that he's a worthwhile cat. He decides to buckle down and study...but then he gets kidnapped by the Fanders.

Chapter Eight: Heroine does hostage negotiation with the Fanders, who refuse to release him until he names a state after them and makes "fangirl" a tax-exempt class. Banders makes this promise to them, and as soon as they let him go, he tells them he'll break his promise, because that's what politicians do. The Fanders are too impressed by his political prowess to be upset.

Chapter Nine: Banders thanks Heroine for saving him and says that she's much better than the crazy women he's used to dealing with. I will find some way to make this semi-romantic. Also, maybe I can include a ridiculous song parody in here. And maybe Thunderpaw and Banders can be reconciled to each other.

Chapter Ten: Final debate! Banders is reasonable and gives a grand speech, conceding the race to his opponent. Then he reveals that it's Opposite Day, and he doesn't mean what he says. After this, he pivots on every single issue. Nobody knows what he really believes now, but everyone thinks he's on their side. His poll numbers go up, and he wins the third state.

Is this a good storyline? Should we start making Banders DLC? I dunno! If I write it, I'm sure it'd end up being slightly different from what I wrote here.

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