Saturday, April 19, 2014

Worst of Blackmoor Manor, Chapter 26

Here is Chapter 26 of my parody story, Nancy Drew: Worst of Blackmoor Manor. Today, Nancy solves the final puzzle.

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Nancy tried pulling the box handles again, but to no use. She wasn't strong enough to lift a heavy metal box.

"There's no air in here! I can't breathe!" Jane pleaded.

"I'm trying!" Nancy grunted. She dumped her purse upside-down on the ground, in hopes that it would have something useful. She had two keys, the pillar pieces, a slice of butter, a glowing rock, a paper from Nigel and a container of hot pink nail polish. There was nothing that would help save Jane.

Nancy tried using her phone to call for help, but there was no reception. She kicked the box and received a stubbed toe as a result.

"I can't lift it! This thing is too heavy!" Nancy said, almost crying with frustration. "Stupid, stupid Penvellyns! Why did they set up so many death traps in their puzzle manor?"

Nancy's grip on reality started to slacken, as she began ranting about the Penvellyns. "Do the Penvellyns all hate their grandchildren? Is that why they built this torture manor? Half the puzzles depend on nothing in the manor being changed or moved, while the other half depend on dumb coincidences! ARRRGH! Loulou the Parrot has more personality and charm than all 200 of the Penvellyns put together, and she can't even move her mouth when she talks!

"Hugh says he's in Rome on a business trip, but I know the truth! He took the first excuse possible to get the heck out of here! Why would anyone want to live with the world's most boring historian and a creepy old woman who talks to plants more often than she talks to people?! I'd run away, but I can't because there's a cloaked figure and a werewolf, waiting to kill anyone who sets foot outside the manor!"

"That was me, actually," Jane said. "I dressed up in the cloak, so I would look like Elinor. I thought it would scare Linda. And those glowing eyes you saw work on a remote switch."

"Why would you set up glowing eyes to scare someone you don't know?!" Nancy yelled.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Jane said.

"That's what I mean!" Nancy said. "All the Penvellyns are not-so-secretly crazy! It's probably because they've been taught by the weirdo Bossiny Family for the past 400 years! Ethel is the worst, creepiest tutor I've ever met, and I'm not talking about her out-of-proportion body parts!"

The door to the room opened, revealing an angry Ethel Bossiny. "What did you say?!" she asked.

A wave of relief washed over Nancy. Ethel's creepy ability to appear out of nowhere had finally become useful for once!"

"Ethel!" Nancy said. "I need your help! Jane is in danger!"

Together, Ethel and Nancy lifted the metal box off the ground about an inch, to let fresh air inside. Ethel ran to get Mrs. Drake, and all three women were able to tip the box over and save Jane.

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