Friday, March 21, 2014

A Letter to Elsa

Dear Queen Elsa,
I just found out that the only way to stop your ice curse is to perform an act of true love. Since the kingdom was frozen for a few days, I guess that means no one in Arendelle truly loves each other.
Okay, I can live with that. But what I can't live with is the fact that I've had your ice curse my whole life. For as long as I can remember, I've had that white streak in my hair.  Since you never got rid of it until just now, that means you never loved me until just now.
That's pretty messed up, Elsa. I thought I was your sister. I thought I meant something to you. But no, the only time you ever loved me is when I died. I talked to my friend, Princess Rapunzel--she's the one with the same personality and facial structure as me--and she agrees. You should have loved me long before my death, the way I always loved you, no matter what.
Rapunzel also says it's weird that you built an ice castle in the middle of nowhere. I mean, you had that big musical number about how you're "letting it go" and giving up your former life of isolation. And what do you do next? You isolate yourself from everyone else. Seriously, how was that in any way different from what you did before? You just moved from one palace of isolation to another.
Actually, it's more like a palace of ice-olation. Get it? Cause it was made out of ice! I'm so clever.
Which leads me to another thing. Your ice powers are amazing, Elsa. You can literally make whatever you want to, just by thinking about it! You've made a palace, living snow creatures, a cocktail dress which shows way too much leg for someone living in below zero temperatures, and...that's it.  Why don't you make something else? You could make something useful which helps everyone, like snowmen that do everyone's work for them, or free food and shelter for homeless people. You can make food out of nothing, right? I bet you can. You couldn't have survived in your snow palace without food.
Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest. I still love you, Elsa. I'm just a little miffed that you don't seem to love me back. Please let me know that I'm wrong!
At the very least, I'm still glad about everything that happened. Not only has it brought us closer together, but I learned an extremely valuable lesson: a woman doesn't need a man to make her happy. What a great lesson! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with Kristoff, my new boyfriend.

Your sister,
Princess Anna

PS. I don't know if anyone thought of this, but the snow would have melted on its own, in a week. So don't start thinking your ice powers are impossible to stop, because they're not!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought Frozen was overrated.

Anonymous said...

The ice curse wasn't in her hair. That was just proof that Elsa /had/ struck her. Grand Pabbie had to remove the memories, not because Elsa didn't love her, but because it would save Anna from any possibilities of the curse reaching her heart. "The head can be persuaded."

When the curse hit her heart, however, /that/ was the curse. Her heart froze, and that required love. A hair streak did not. That was a risk of the curse but had been fixed. Elsa would not have closed herself off with such fear if she didn't love Anna.

Anonymous said...

thats awesome

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

That was a very clever letter!

Anonymous said...

Come on already. You say you're tired of seeing Frozen everywhere - and obviously you think it's sub-par (a valid opinion of course) - yet you constantly post about it here - and STILL without analyzing it properly.

I just found out that the only way to stop your ice curse is to perform an act of true love.
No one else in the kingdom has ice powers. Love is needed, yes, but only Elsa herself can lift the curse.

Since you never got rid of it until just now, that means you never loved me until just now.
The Anon somewhere above me covered this nicely. The streak wasn't a curse - just a physical reminder. A scar.

I mean, you had that big musical number about how you're "letting it go" and giving up your former life of isolation.
The French song lyrics to LIG include "The cold is the price of freedom". That's an apt summary. She's not giving up a life of isolation - she's giving up a life of suppression and fear. It was never about being alone - it was about not hurting anyone else via something that is an integral part of her.

You can literally make whatever you want to, just by thinking about it!
This is like the third time you've brought this up, and I really don't know why you're so fixated on it. It's totally irrelevant. You do realize Elsa has an entire life to live outside of the frame of the movie? That we don't see? During which she might have done those things? Which would have had nothing at all to do with the plot of the film?

but I learned an extremely valuable lesson: a woman doesn't need a man to make her happy
Okay, no. Stop. That's not the point at all. There are several points, but that's not one of them. Valid points include: You can't marry a man you've just met; true love isn't just romantic love; reindeers are better than people; trolls suck; TRUE LOVE ISN'T JUST ROMANTIC LOVE. ELSA may have represented the fact that some women don't need no man, but nowhere does it imply that wanting a man is bad - it's just that being impulsive is not the right way to go about it.

but the snow would have melted on its own, in a week
Yeah, I'm sure that a blizzard/ice storm that was magically induced in the middle of summer would of course naturally melt on its own in no time.

Anonymous said...

I will stop posting about all the problems in Frozen, when people stop being hilariously defensive about it.

Such passive-aggressive, much burn.

Maybe if you posted about some of the actual problems Frozen has. There's no shortage, you just seem to be harping on complete non-issues.

Emily in Wisconsin said...

I WATCHED THE MOVIE AND ITS NOT AS GOOD AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!