Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Airport Security

[Michael wrote this while in a grumpy mood, because airport security stopped him for having solid food which is "too liquid". They immediately confiscated the sandwich toppings because they were hungry the toppings presented a threat to the safety of the United States of America.]

Man, oh man, I forgot how much I dislike airport security.  When I was younger, it was a lot simpler.  You put your luggage through the scanner, then walked through the metal detector, and you were done.

Today, you have the added steps of having your ID and boarding pass inspected, then posing for the millimeter wave camera that takes a nude picture of you.  It takes much longer to get through security now, because of these extra steps.  The process which should take two minutes, tops, now takes twenty minutes, minimum.

My particular problem is with the luggage scanner. They want computers to go in separately, they want shoes to go in separately, they want toothpaste and deodorant to go in separately.  So I have to open my luggage in public and rifle through all of my stuff in order to follow the rules.

Smart alecks say, "Michael, why don't you keep those special items at the top of your luggage?".  Because having a heavy computer at the top of your bag makes it fall over and smash into the ground.  Good packers put heavy things at the bottom of the suitcase, not the top.

About half the time, I have a security officer bark at me for holding up the line, because I require three separate bins along with my luggage. They also bark at me for being too slow at stripping.  "Get your jacket off! Remove those shoes!  Take off your belt!"

From what I can tell, at any given time, only about half of the security officers are actually working. The other half are just standing around, apparently doing nothing.  In their defense, I wouldn't be enthusiastic about my job either, if all I had to do was say, "There's another line to the left" eight hours a day.  Someday, the airport might decide to fire those officers and replace them with a sign.


Anonymous said...

I think you are looking at this the wrong way. I have to travel a lot too, and I learned you either let airport security bother you, and you have some fun with it. From their perspective, I imagine touching strangers’ junk all day long is not the most fun way to spend a Tuesday (or maybe it is. I’m not here to judge ^_~) So for me, when I have to be groped up, I try to make it semi-fun. You know, little comments like, “Was it as good for you as it was for me?” or, “What? No flowers?” or, “You better call me in the morning. I want to talk my day.” Most of the time, it does put a little smile on their face, and does kind of relieve the tension from the monotony of it all.

But I certainly can relate to the “Really? THIS is a threat to national security?!” I have a necklace in the shape of a shield and it’s really pointed on the end. Apparently, I can use that to stab someone, so I can’t wear it anymore on airplanes. Good to know “Death by necklace” is looked out for.

Anonymous said...

Ugh... why I don't travel by air. I understand you completely.

GameOverTown said...

Wow....you guys in America must have a rough time

Vast Universe said...

Depends where you were flying out of... SFO or the San Jose one? I always used to have trouble with SJ, especially around the holidays... delays, etc etc. Every time I decided to fly I wished I had driven and every time I drove I thought the trip would never end. I myself personally find the 5 a long boring nightmare, when traveling south.