Sunday, February 12, 2012

Disneyworld Debate

I was recently asked to write a short play about the Presidential debates.  The play was performed as part of a Disney-themed event, so I made it a play about the Seven Dwarves, running for President of Disneyworld.  Here's the script I wrote:

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MODERATOR
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Florida debate. Today, we are going to be speaking with all of the candidates who are running for President of Disneyworld. Please welcome our seven dwarves, I mean, debaters: Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy and Sneezy.

The dwarves come onstage.

MODERATOR
Okay candidates. As you all know, the current economic recession has really hurt a lot of the Disney characters. The government has repossessed Sleeping Beauty's castle, the 101 Dalmatians have too many mouths to feed, and Baloo the Bear can't afford his bare necessities. The first question is what do you think about the current economic recession?

GRUMPY
The recession was caused by poor financial decisions made during the Goofy Administration! He gave too many tax breaks to the wealthier cartoon characters!

DOC
No, the recession was caused by charging too much money at the concession stands!

HAPPY
It's Mickey's fault! I want to see Mickey Mouse's tax returns!

DOPEY
Wait, what are we talking about?

MODERATOR
Sneezy, your thoughts on the economic crisis?

SNEEZY
It's, uh...
(sneezes)
Nothing to sneeze at.

MODERATOR
I see. Bashful, do you have anything to say?


BASHFUL
Aw, gee...I don't know what to say...there's a big crowd watching and everything...

MODERATOR
Sleepy, we haven't heard from you yet. What do you think caused the economic recession?

SLEEPY
(snores)

MODERATOR
Grumpy, if you were elected, what would you do to help get us out of the recession?

GRUMPY
I think the best way to fix the recession is to get rid of Small World. It's a stupid ride, with a stupid song!

HAPPY
I like that song! It makes me happy. Happy is good!

SNEEZY
(sneezes three times)

DOC
I think the recess—I mean, the recession—I think we should get rid of Pirates of the Caribbean. It's too violet—I mean, violent. It sets a bad example.

SLEEPY
We could—
(yawns)
We could put in a nice bed, for people to get some sleep.

DOPEY
I think we should change the name of the park from Disneyland to Dopeyland. That'd bring in more customers.

GRUMPY
Where'd you get an idea like that? Fantasy Land?

MODERATOR
Bashful, we still haven't heard from you. How would you fix the economic crisis?


BASHFUL
Aw...gee...I'm kinda shy, so I don't like when people take pictures of me. Maybe we could get rid of the cameras at Splash Mountain.

GRUMPY
Splash Mountain! There's another ride we could get rid of! If people really wanted to see a fifty-foot drop, all they have to do is look at Dopey's approval rating!

DOPEY
Hey, the latest polls from Adventure Land say that twelve percent of the birds in the Tiki Room would vote for me!

SNEEZY
That's not--
(sneezes)
I mean—
(sneezes)
There is too much pollen in the Tiki Room! We need to get rid of the flowers!

DOC
I think the powers—I mean, the flowers—the flowers are dine and fandy—I mean, fine and dandy.

MODERATOR
Okay, candidates. I have some questions here, which have been sent in by actual voters. Sleepy, Cinderella wants to know what you intend to do about the amount of singing in the park.

SLEEPY
(yawns)
The singing is too loud. I'd make it quieter, so it's easier to go to sleep...

GRUMPY
I'd get rid of all the songs in the park. Nobody likes singing.

HAPPY
Grumpy, that's just a load of heigh-ho! Songs make everyone happy!


MODERATOR
Dopey, Aladdin wants to know, if you had three wishes, what would they be?

DOPEY
I'd wish that I could run for President.

MODERATOR
But Dopey, you're already running for President!

DOPEY
Hooray, I got my wish!

MODERATOR
Sneezy, the dogs from Lady and the Tramp have been chasing the Aristocats all over the park! What do you plan to do about that?

SNEEZY
(sneezes)
I'd stay away from them! I'm allergic to cats!
(sneezes)
And dogs!

MODERATOR
Bashful, your critics have said that you're too camera shy to be the President. Do you have any response?

BASHFUL
I—
(freezes up, then tries to hide)
Augh! Cameras!

MODERATOR
Sleepy, if you get the nomination, who would be your vice president?

SLEEPY
(yawns)
I'm going to pick Sleeping Beauty.

MODERATOR
Just two more questions, here. Doc, are you doing anything to work on your stuttering problem?

DOC
Yes, I ham—I mean, am. I hired Mary Poppins to be my speech therapist. She's teaching me all sorts of new words, like supercauliflower, supercalifornia, supercalifragilisticexplosion...well, we're working on it.

MODERATOR
And Grumpy, the last question is for you. Jiminy Cricket says that sometimes, you seem too grumpy to be at Disneyworld. What would you say to him?

GRUMPY
Bah, humbug!

MODERATOR
That's it for the debate. Any last words from our candidates?

HAPPY
Vote Happy, for the Happiest Place on Earth!

DOC
No, vote Doc! I'm building a better Tomorrow-Land, Today!

SLEEPY
Can I take a nap now?

SNEEZY
(sneezes)

DOPEY
Vote Dopey for President! Otherwise, the only dope around here is you!

BASHFUL
Vote for Bashful! Don't be shy about showing your support!

GRUMPY
You're all a bunch of weirdos! Vote Grumpy!

MODERATOR
That's it for the debate, everyone. Thank you, and good night.

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I took the role of the moderator in the play.  Rumor has it that a video of this debate might be put on the Internet sometime soon.  I'll let you know if it does.

6 comments:

Mirea said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry Happy, but most people don't like it's a small world. If I were running, I'd add platforms so that if (I mean when) the ride breaks down every ten to twenty minutes, people can get off instead of beeing stuck on the ride! It's a very good script! Bravo!

CTippett said...

Blogging is fun right, Michael. I have my own blog themixedanime@blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

That's genius, Michael! Thanks for sharing - it made my day!

Balin said...

Brilliant, and I love how this is under the "Awesomeness" tag!

Hannie said...

"It's too violet -I mean, violent" LOL

Zjazz said...

Hah, this is great! I used to love voice acting as a hobby and reading plays with..well i kinda did it by myself *blush*