Friday, October 7, 2011

The Hobbit (Again)

Hey, here's a question.  Where should they split the two The Hobbit movies?  I mean, that book isn't like Lord of the Rings, where there's a convenient "Part 1" and "Part 2" listed in the actual book itself.

Years ago, I read The Hobbit to my little sister for storytime.  Only, I didn't have a copy of the book with me.  So it ended up being "Michael acts out The Hobbit from memory" for an hour.  It was a pretty fun time.  I should repeat that experience in a one-man play someday.

Anyway, when I reenacted The Hobbit, I totally forgot everything that happened after Bilbo and crew meet Bjorn, the man-bear guy. So I think that's the halfway point of the book.  After that, I totally made everything up, like the dragon's personality and the fact that Bjorn goes bowling.  No joke.

Maybe they'll split The Hobbit into two movies, the way Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows did.  The first movie will be rather boring and just focus on our heroes camping in the woods.  And the second part will be the super-long battle, and that movie will be so good that people will forget how bad the first part was.

I know they're not going to do this, but I think they should get rid of, like, half of the characters.  In the book, it's Bilbo and Gandalf and twelve dwarves with similar names, and it's impossible to tell which dwarf is which.  It'd work better if they only had, say, three dwarves.  And they could get called Moe, Larry and Curly, instead of Gimli and Gomli and Gili and Giolo and Gillio.

Oh, and there should be a bowling scene in the movie, too.  Like, Gandalf, Bjorn, Bilbo and Gollum form a bowling team, facing off against Smaug the Dragon.  Not to complain about the book, but it needed an epic bowling battle at the end.

Or maybe that's where they'll split the two movies!  Bilbo will take a shot, and dramatic music plays as the bowling ball rolls down the lane.  Then, everyone gasps dramatically, and you're left wondering if he made a strike or not.  CUT, END MOVIE, FADE TO ORANGE.  People will be running to the theaters to see the conclusion, in Part Two.

7 comments:

Sammy said...

I would so go see your version, Michael! Bowling battle, yeeaa!

Robyn said...

Technically, only the first part of "The Hobbit"-movie will be "The Hobbit"-book. The book isn't split into two parts for the movie. Confused yet?

Part one of the movie is the book. Part two of the movie acts as a bridge between "The Hobbit" and "Fellowship of the Ring." That's also how Peter Jackson is managing to bring back the original actors for "The Hobbit" even though most aren't in the book.

Also, even if you couldn't keep track of the storylines in the book LOTR, I strongly encourage you to see the movies - if for nothing else than the gorgeous cinematography. Keeping the plot lines straight is also much easier watching the movies. Peter Jackson did a phenomenal job in my opinion, and I've yet to come across someone who couldn't keep up with the plot watching the movies. :-)

Hadley said...

I'm patently confused.What does the name,"The Hobbit" have to do with anything?

Anonymous said...

Remind me never to consult Michael for any future film projects. ;)

Fade to...orange? *Shudders*

Philip said...

Lol, Anonymous!

@ Hadley: "The Hobbit" is referring to the main character of the book, a Hobbit named Bilbo Baggins. A Hobbit is something like a dwarf, only more pleasant. :)

Hadley said...

@Philip thanks! i understand now. :)

Diana said...

I would love it if you recorded yourself acting out "The Hobbit" and posted it on Youtube. And I'm sure I'm not the only one!