Friday, July 30, 2010

Driver's License

Well, my little sister took her driving test recently, and she...passed on the first try! No doubt, due to my excellent driving advice, such as "Try not to hit any hot dogs carts" and "If you go over 88 miles an hour here, you'll travel back to 1955".

Now she's spending all her free time looking up cars on the Internet, because she wants a brand new car. There is no way she is actually going to get a brand new car, but she hopes to get one anyway. Personally, I am hoping that I will get a spiffy, brand new car, and she can have my old one. I want to get a hybrid car, or something else that's environmentally friendly. I don't care if it's the ugliest car ever; if it has no emissions and gets 100 miles to the gallon, I'm a-buyin' it.

Of course, this speculation is all moot, because I don't make enough money to afford monthly car payments.

My sister showed me her license tonight, and it's funny because they messed it up. They have a picture of her face, taken in front of a blue background, like on most licenses. However, the printer must have colored the background last, not first, because the entire picture is blue. So, yes, my sister's face has a blue-ish tint on her license photo. It looks like she's one of those Avatar aliens. Ha!


Joker's-Gurl said...

It's cool that your sister got her driver's license so quickly... after your many failed attempts...
Anyway, I'm about to post this really long comment (probably comments if you factor in the character count) and the purpose is just to tell you how much you being you has caused drastic changes in my life. You don't have to read this. I just... I wanted it to be there if you ever wanted to read it. Basically, a really long story of how you helped me find God and in a really weird way stopped me from doing something stupid.

Joker's-Gurl said...

This is somewhat awkward for me to say this, but I really want you to know how much of a difference you make. I know you help people with video games and bring laughter to others— you’ve done the same for me countless times. However, I know that helping some one on a game is a lot different from aiding in a life-altering decision. I just… I put myself in your shoes for a moment and I realized that I would want to be informed of something that I unknowingly did.

Okay, now I’m just rambling without getting to the point and I apologize. To the actual purpose of writing this— I know that you are currently studying to become a priest. Which is amazing and awe-inspiring, I must say. I have heard you talk about how you love helping people, a reason why you make the walkthroughs.

Pride has kept me from admitting this, but I was at an all-time low for the past year. One day, by complete chance, my sister forced me to play a new game she had found—Nancy Drew. She hated it… I didn’t. I kept playing the entire day—I ignored the washing, the cleaning, even after she left I continued late into the night. I was in awe of the graphics and I refused to quit until it was finished. So, I bought more games and played them. Then, I was stuck. I searched around and found one of your videos. You were funny. It wasn’t just a “do this and then that” kind of thing. You were into it. You made me feel at ease. I won the game and a new appreciation for you.

I’ve always believed in God. In a kind of passing sort of sense. As in, “Yeah… he’s probably there… but maybe not.” It’s hard to explain how you play into this, but I want to try. When my life began to get hectic, I wondered if your life was as crazy as mine was. Relationships, family, college, life, and your faith… they are hard things to juggle all at once. I was intrigued at to why you would take so much time out of your life that could be spent on something else… to help people. A few would give a thanks… others would complain that you were talking over something or that you didn’t post it fast enough. I was disgusted with people. I wanted to scream at them, but you never commented on it. I was shocked and beyond confused.

You just continued to make them. You were an enigma to me. I would try to understand and every time I thought I had unraveled a part of the puzzle… something would prove me wrong. The one puzzle I couldn’t solve. Then, something happened and I was too broken to care anymore. I refused to speak. I stayed in the recesses of my mind. The things that usually could bring me out of the dark… suddenly couldn’t. I was lost in a place that was always moving and always uncaring.

Bitterness grew and I began to hate… everyone. The friends… the family… I didn’t wish to see their pitying looks. I couldn’t bear to look in the mirror and see that pale and sickly face. I refused to see the emptiness that shone in my eyes. I couldn’t eat. My body would throw it back up. I lost too much weight. I hated people… more than that—I hated myself. For some reason, I couldn’t move past what happened and it ate away at me.

A friend grew tired of it and found the things that had once made me so happy. She found one of your videos and forced me to watch it. I laughed genuinely for the first time in a very long time. I can’t thank you enough for that.

Then… something else went wrong and I fell deeper into that abyss. After a few months of darkness, I finally realized that I couldn’t do this to myself again. To my friends… the ones that had stayed with me even when I had been so low… I had hurt them. Yet, it wasn’t them that made me realize… everything. Strangely enough, it was the kind and helpful, generous and wonderful… Nancy Drew video walkthrough person: Michael Gray.

Which is crazy, I don’t need you to tell me that.

Joker's-Gurl said...

I had had a fool-proof plan. It would stop my friends and family to stop hurting. It would take all the pain away. I was going to kill myself. I didn’t know how I was going to do it or what I should do in preparation for it. I just knew that I wanted it to be then. I was just sitting at my computer; flipping through things… trying to remember what happiness had felt like. It just so happened that you had posted something that day. I clicked on it out of curiosity.

I laughed. I grinned. I cried tears of happiness for the first time in my life. That’s how my friend found me. A grin on my face, giggling and crying—she didn’t know if I had snapped or had had a break through. I wasn’t sure myself. I just knew that I wouldn’t do anything that day.

The next day, I was busy and felt myself slipping back into that place again. So, the day after that, I watched a video or two. Then I began to find out more just by watching a video here and there.

I still was haunted sometimes by the past but I was trying to get through it. However, my belief in God during that time had crumbled to nothingness. I felt that if there was a God he had abandoned me and so I wanted nothing to do with Him. I had a friend that had fallen into that same crushing gloom that had almost consumed me… and I saw how it looked on the outside. It almost killed me to see some one I loved so much… so broken.

I didn’t know what to do—who to turn to—I was helpless. I watched a few of your videos to make me laugh—as much as it killed me to laugh while my friend was so… low, I still did. You made a video about wanting to be a priest. I was shocked. Yet, something in me had… sparked. A flicker I had tried to snuff out—one that I had thought was long gone. Like a flame with no oxygen. My interest was piqued despite my earlier feelings. I read, I listened, I watched.

I found.

I realized something then… God isn’t like a flame. He is so much more than a tiny flicker of fire. He is everything and no amount of oxygen, or lack thereof would make His warmth and radiance go out. I was touched. I wanted to help some one. I was there for my friend when she almost killed herself. I was there when she inflicted those scars upon herself that are still there. I stood by her side when everything she fell. And I picked her up. I held her through those cold nights. I rocked her while she cried. And I was there when she found herself some one to love her as she deserved.

Yet, I tried to be in a relationship and it didn’t work out. I ended it swiftly and nearly died of shock when the guy said he “loved” me. I understood why the relationship didn’t work. I couldn’t be some place where everything was based on love until I loved myself. I found God. At least I thought I did. Of course, as everything goes, something happened and knocked me off my feet. My friend wasn’t there to help nor did I expect her to be.

It was then that I realized that I still had doubts about God. I looked back over your stuff in a way to some how figure out how you believed in something you couldn’t see. Then you wrote something in this very blog and I suddenly understood. I had asked for a sign. Something to save me from that agony and He gave me something. His gift to me was that day when I was going to do something irrational and immature… he pushed me to look at YouTube that day. I found that video of yours and I didn’t do something that would hurt my friends and family worse. I couldn’t see that then, but I do now.

I also know that had you not made that video in the first place, I wouldn’t be here right now. I owe my life to you, Michael Gray and I can’t thank you enough. You saved me from myself and showed me a new life. I know God now just as He has always known me. If you ever wonder if you if your video walkthroughs really do anything… they stopped me from killing myself all those months ago. If I had done that… when my friend was just where I was… I wouldn’t have been there to stop her and she would have died as well. So, in a sense… you saved two lives that day.

Joker's-Gurl said...

I wish that I could do something as you have done. You are truly amazing. A one-of-a-kind guy, indeed—you gave me my life back.

I wanted you to know what you did with these blogs and videos. A long time ago, I realized that maybe my sister finding that game wasn’t a coincidence. If she hadn’t… I’d probably be dead. So, thank you. Thank you a million times over. I’m sitting here, shaking my head, trying in vain to find the right words.

I don’t want you to feel obligated to reply or anything—I just want to let you know that you do make a difference. Your humor and faith saved me. I… just… I wanted you to realize how much your videos mean—especially to me. Just… Thank you. So very much, Michael Gray. I really appreciate what you do. Even if to others, you just make humorous videos and help people when they’re stuck in a game—you made those funny walkthroughs and helped me to welcome God into my heart and I’ll shout it to the world. You did this. I… I can’t find the right words, but I hope you get what I’m trying to say.

And so, I had put myself into your shoes and I realized that if I were you, I’d want to know that I had saved some one’s life and helped them find faith just by believing in the first place. Pride had prevented me from saying this before, but, now, I hope this makes you feel better if you ever feel down—knowing what you unknowingly did for me. Thank you so very much.

Alana said...

I drive a Nissan Cube hahah, and it's one of the most ridiculous looking cars ever but it gets good gas mileage. Plus without it (and it's lack of a back end) I would never have passed the parallel parking portion of my test, so I'm glad my Dad got it for me. hah :)I've learned to love it, and I can't see myself driving anything else! xD

Anonymous said...

Lol I'm only 12 and I'm so scared that I'm going to fail my driving test when I get older, because I know everyone I know would never let me live it down.
..And, the correct term for "Avatar people" is "Na'vi", Michael. XD

Kira said...

Ahem, they are not called "Avatar aliens," Michael. They're called "Na'vi."

Anonymous said...

Whoa. The weirdest thing just happened to me. I was playing Ransom Of The Seven Ships [again.] I thought the disk was still in there from when I played it this morning, so I clicked on the RAN icon on my wallpaper, but then now that I was taking the disk out, my Sims game was there...not Ransom.
O.e Weird.