Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Wendy Snaglefoompus

Professor Snaglefoompus began his story. "I fell in love when I was a college student. Back then, everyone called me Professor Snaglefoompus."

"Why did they call you a professor if you were a student?" Jenny Blackenship asked.

"Professor is my first name," Professor Snaglefoompus explained. "It's a good first name, too. You see, most people have to work for years in order to become a professor, but I didn't have to do any work at all."

"That explains a lot," Ernie Greengold grumbled.

"Quiet, Ernie," Professor Snaglefoompus said. "Since college prepares you for a job, our teacher asked us about what kind of jobs we wanted to have. The girl next to me said she wanted to be a teacher."

"Is that the girl you fell in love with?" someone asked.

"Yes," Professor Snaglefoompus said. "Her name was Wendy. Wendy Snaglefoompus."

"Why did she have the same last name as you?" someone asked.

"I'm not sure," Professor Snaglefoompus said. "I figured it was just a coincidence. Anyway, she moved away the next day, so I didn't get to tell her that I loved her. In fact, I never saw her again."

"That's kind of sad," someone said.

"I know," Professor Snaglefoompus said. "I became a teacher because I hoped I would meet her at a teachers' conference, but I've been teaching for over thirty years, and I haven't seen her even once."

"That's really sad," someone said.

"The worst part is that all the other people in my family have fallen in love," Professor Snaglefoompus said. "My parents have fallen in love, my grandparents have fallen in love, and even my sister Wendy has fallen in love."

"Wendy is your sister?" Maria Cincinnati asked.

"I think so," Professor Snaglefoompus said. "I mean, I've never asked her, but we live in the same house and everything."

Maria sighed. "I mean, your sister is named Wendy Snaglefoompus, and the girl you're in love with is also named Wendy Snaglefoompus?"

"That's right," Professor Snaglefoompus said.

"Don't you think that's a little odd?" Maria asked.

"No, it's just a coincidence," Professor Snaglefoompus said. "You can ask her about it if you don't believe me."

"How can we ask her?" a student asked. "She's not here!"

"Good point," Professor Snaglefoompus said. "I'll make sure to invite her to class tomorrow."

The next day, Professor Snaglefoompus brought a woman to class with him. "Class, this is Wendy Snaglefoompus," he introduced. "You know, my sister."

"What?" Wendy Snaglefoompus asked. "You don't have a sister!"

"I don't?" Professor Snaglefoompus asked.

"No!" Wendy Snaglefoompus said. "You don't have any brothers or sisters!"

Professor Snaglefoompus frowned. "So you're not Wendy Snaglefoompus, my sister?"

"Of course not," Wendy Snaglefoompus said.

"But if you're not my sister," Professor Snaglefoompus said, "Why do you live in the same house as I do?"

"Because I'm your wife," Wendy Snaglefoompus said. "We got married over thirty years ago."

"Really?" Professor Snaglefoompus asked.

"Yes," Wendy Snaglefoompus said. "You don't remember because you got amnesia from a tragic puppet show accident shortly after the ceremony."

"Oh!" Professor Snaglefoompus said. "Well, this is great news! Here I thought I'd never see you again, and it turns out we've been married the whole time! I love you, Wendy!"

"I love you too, Professor!" Wendy said.

Wendy and Professor Snaglefoompus kissed each other.

"This is the weirdest class I've ever taken," Ernie Greengold said.

"Shhh!" hushed Jenny Blackenship.

"You know, Wendy," Professor Snaglefoompus said. "Since I don't remember our wedding, we should get married again! I can invite my class to the ceremony!"

"That sounds like a great idea!" Wendy said. "But we have to make sure there's a buffet there!"

"Way ahead of you," Professor Snaglefoompus said. "Today's Wednesday, which means it's buffet day in my class!"

"Great!" Wendy Snaglefoompus said. "Let's get married right now!"

So Professor Snaglefoompus called the local Justice of the Peace, who rushed over and performed the wedding ceremony. Then they all ate at the buffet. Everyone, even Ernie Greengold, said that it was the best wedding ever.

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